“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion. Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”
-Rumi
The Journey
The Start
In 2016 I gave birth to my first baby. I remember feeling walked over and unheard during my birth when I voiced my concerns and it didn’t sit right with me. My birth ended up being beautiful and I left in awe of my body and what it was able to do but it didn’t stop me from feeling like something was missing. Which was hard for me after having two previous miscarriages and struggling with hyperemesis gravidum my entire pregnancy. I had an end goal of my dream birth that kept me going through it all and I felt that wasn’t achieved. Then in my postpartum care, my providers completely dropped the ball and missed an infection that caused so much pain and I was left alone struggling to figure out being a mom while trying to find peace in my new body. I had struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life and that combined with a difficult postpartum left me sitting in the darkness of postpartum depression. We then moved to Oregon and a few months later my friend, Kalli, gave birth to her first, and when I went over to see her birth pictures I was stunned. I cried at the beauty and empowerment she felt and knew that is what my birth was missing. I had missed out on being surrounded by people who lifted me and kept me feeling whole during my birth. I began to see that even the postpartum period I had learned to dread could be a beautiful transition into parenthood. I began to feel the pull to help other birthing people have an empowering experience no matter how or where they gave birth. I also knew I wanted to help other parents through postpartum so no one would feel the same loneliness that I felt with my first. I started with placenta encapsulation then moved on to become a doula as well! I didn’t fully throw myself into the birthing world for a little while later. I was working in an assisted living center and I loved working with the elderly. I found so much joy and fulfillment being able to be empathetic and showing unconditional love to the people that I was able to work with as they transitioned from being independent to needing a little more help to do their daily activities. There was something so incredibly special about providing support and comfort during such a transitional period of lives and I knew I felt that way about birth as well. I debated for a long time if I wanted to become a hospice nurse or a midwife. People would tease me about how those two careers were at opposite ends of the spectrum but what they didn’t see was all of the similarities. In both careers, I felt I was able to be the calm in the storm and it was an opportunity for me to provide compassion, empathy, and endless amounts of love to people who needed it as they entered a new phase of life. After lots of long hours of weighing the pros and cons with my partner and loved ones I finally knew I felt drawn to birth and wanted to become a midwife. I threw myself into the birthing world and felt with surety after attending my first birth as a doula, I knew where I should be.
The Now
Currently my family and I have relocated back to Utah in order to be closer to my family so I can start midwifery school to continue my education. In June of 2020, I gave birth to my second daughter in the midst of a pandemic after struggling with infertility to get her here in the first place. My birth plan was drastically changed from a birthing center to a hospital when I needed to be induced for the health of me and my baby. Because of what I had learned I was able to still have the beautiful, empowering, and healing birth that I needed. I felt heard and knew without a doubt that I was strong and capable. I learned through Hazel’s birth that empowerment can be felt in all circumstances when you are surrounded by support and love. I have worked hard to be at peace with my body and all of its changes after growing two humans and continue to teach my children all about radical self-love and how incredible they are. I continue to be passionate about providing a safe place for all birthing people to feel support and endless amounts of love as they go through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Being back in Utah has allowed me to again work with Breathe Birth Care which now consists of 2 other of the strongest women I know.
The Future
I have now sent off my application to midwifery school and anxiously await to see if I make it into the program starting in the fall of 2021! I continue to search out programs and seminars to help educate me and teach me how two be a safe place for birthers in all walks of life. I plan on continuing my education to help others who struggle with eating disorders, body dysmorphia, mental health challenges, and infertility because all of those hit close to home for me.
So, what do I do when I am not talking about birth, catching babies, and birthers?
You can always find me spending my time around those I love. Sometimes it’s quiet days at home with my kids and other days it's with extended family and close friends. I love a good board game and I love winning a good board game even more! At least once a week I find myself in nature allowing my soul to heal and to connect with my inner wild child. I love exploring new places with my favorite adventure buddies, Austin, Carmen, and Hazel!
One of the ways to get to know me through the things I love:
I’m a sucker for true crime and murder mystery books. I love listening/reading books and can easily get sucked into a good podcast! Spicy and savory food is typically the way to my heart or through some amazing chi tea! Here are a few of the things that have impacted me in my life for the better!
My Empowerment through childbirth.
The Birth of Carmen Nicole.
Carmen’s birth taught me about resilience. She taught me that I can go through hard things and come out on top of all of it victorious. During her birth is the first time I felt the need to speak up for all birthers so that they know they are powerful as well. I had a beautiful birth with Carmen and soaked in all the birth feels and newborn cuddles. Carmen awakened a level of empathy, compassion, and love inside of me that I didn’t know existed. To this day she continues to be my sweet and loving child who is aware of the feelings of those around her and continually reaches out to love them
The Birth of Hazel Lucille.
For Hazel, I roared her into this world as I felt the power of what my body could do. I learned that my voice is powerful and can be used to advocate for myself and those around me. Giving birth in the pandemic taught me to be flexible but firm and strong in myself and my knowledge. Hazel’s birth was almost everything I had been dreaming of in a birth (minus the hospital) and I knew it was because of the work I put in and the power that was in me the whole time.
My Why.
Since Carmen’s birth I have felt drawn to be the voice to those who can’t speak at that moment. From my first postpartum I knew I wanted to be there for birthers in the postpartum so they would never feel alone. I want birth and postpartum care to be accessible to all people so that no one leaves their birth feeling like something was taken from them.
Follow me personally.
Empathetic. Ambitious. Mama. Kind. Supportive. Understanding. Strong.